Saturday's Footie Match

This past Saturday I played on a 3rd team. Playing on any third just isnt my thing but i figured i would play, see how they were, and hopefully move up the ladder to the first or 2nd squad next week. I mean i am obviously not God's gift to the sport but there is no way i am playing on any rec team's 3rd level squad. I might as well hang up the boots if it get to that point....

From the start of warm-ups i knew this was going to be a tough day. We did one touch passing in a line; the type of drills i did to warm up in 7th grade. To be honest, that wasnt the problem. The problem was that the ball was spewing EVERYWHERE. Maybe it was the ball....no. Maybe it was the pitch....no. Maybe it was the skill level....YES. Bad choice on one touch passing Capi...

Anyway the game starts with me at center back and within 5 minutes im already jawing with the huge stump of a forward on the other team. He is about 5'8'' 240 pounds and wearing Studs on possibly the hardest ground I have ever played on. For some credibility on this fact, thier other forward is wearing turf shoes! So, after the guy cleats me leaving me gushing blood with you HUGE flesh revealing gashes in my shin i ask the guy what the hell his purpose is wearing studs. I guess he didnt speak english cuz he just looked at me like a retard and didnt respond.

Five minutes later i am jawing with another player. As a ball rolls out of bounds i shield it to make sure he doesnt get to it. Out of frustration the jerk-off lays one into my already injured left ankle and i fall to th ground with a yell. When i get up i commence to $hit talking to the moron and threaten him with "ok number 6, just wait till you get the ball next". Yeah im a tough guy...

Five minutes after that, I leisurely play a ball to the left back because there is no pressure. As the ball is getting to the left back, one of thier players runs in and kicks and pushes me. So of course i talk $hit and push him back. In some weird accent he talks shit back. I cant understand him, but im sure he understood me when the ball went to the other side of the field and i tripped the A-hole to the ground. I ran away as if nothing happened. Their entire team is in uproar. Im laughing my a$$ off as all these fat bastards run and get into my face, some pushing me some just yelling. Lucky for me the ref liked me, cuz i didnt get a card or anything. They were the ones getting the warnings. HA.

But, unfortunately the joke was on me 10 mins later when, as i was tracking back to cut off a square pass to a wide open centre forward about 25 yards out, I drilled a toe poke clearance into the upper ninety of my own net. Brilliant finish, unfortunately it was an own goal. I coule only laugh at myself for scoring an own goal while at the same time playing along side a bunch of people who could hardly walk and chew gum at the same time. What a joke i was....

And yes this was all in the first 25-30 minutes of the game. The second half was less exciting. Without me causing any BS in the second half, we had to resort to just playing football. Ouch. Disaster. Talk about frustration. I dont think we strung more than 2 passes together. I think the last coed team i played on had better players on it. Including the women.

We ended up losing the game 2-0 but it was much worse than that. It was embarrasing. Good news is I got notice that I was called up to the 2nd team via email on Monday morning. Lets see how it goes next week....